04.30.09
My elliptical is not an elliptical
Truly it isn’t an elliptical, that seems to be the completely wrong term for it’s use. And no, it’s not being dubbed a torture machine as it isn’t that either, it’s actually a fairly reasonable way to exercise (although jump rope in the driveway with your daughters is much, much more fun). It is now going to be temporarily dubbed “the Creak machine”. Oh yeah, the Creak machine it is.
That noise you hear is not from the machine itself, it is from my knees. I had music going fairly loud in my ears and I could still hear my knees making noise. Okay, not really, but I could feel as each rotation went around my left knee would crack and my right knee would wiggle.
Creak machine baby.
I just did some synonyms for creaky just for the helluvit and came up with a huge, and great list of ways to describe my body as it sweats and moves on that machine.
”age-old, ancient, antediluvian, antiquated, antique, been around, creaky, elderly, getting on, gray, moth-eaten, oldie, over the hill, rusty, senescent, senior citizen, shot, timeworn, venerable, worn, worse for wear.”
Oh.my.cod. yes. Isn’t that a hilarious list? moth eaten? been around?! *snort*
I’m going to add to my list the other day because there is so much more benefits to being smaller.
- – my heart would like me better and my lungs would function better (that is because I continue to exercise even thought I’m thinner, clear?).
- – oh, and what Jennifer added in the comments couldn’t have been truer. Do you know how much material covers this ass? And I’m one of the lucky ones without some serious backside, unlike my mom who has some big-time booty sticking out back there.
- – did I mention that armrests in the various chairs throughout the world will no longer touch my sides (they thankfully don’t press in at this time).
I’ve been adding things slowly to my regime of living that should have an impact, albeit small, on the weight loss front. Of course there’s the obvious eating less one, that isn’t so obvious to me galldarnit, but little ones I’ve added too. I no longer put sugar in my coffee. I wanted my one serious vice, the one I will not let go of, to have less impact on my caloric intake. I realize that calories aren’t the only thing to worry about, but when you’re trying to lose a lot of weight, those little bits here and there add up. Oh, and salad dressing is a big thing. I love salad dressing, even more than I love the salad itself and olive oil based ones often give me bad heartburn because of the vinegar needed. I’ve always adored the cream ones so I have to create some sort of balance with it that I haven’t quite got a hold of yet (nor do I have any ideas besides the fork dipping one – dip the fork into dressings instead of smothering it directly on). I’ve always parked away from stores because of the fact that I drive a tank of a truck that doesn’t park easily.
Teri said something on that post that triggered something for me, strangely enough. It was a strange trigger actually and it’s result wasn’t something I expected. She mentioned that with her own struggles they only got worse as she sailed into her 30s. Her 30s. Oh shit, I’m in my 30s. I’ve never cared about age, so it isn’t that I realized I’m old, but holy crap I’m an adult. No seriously. I always knew in my mind that I was in fact an adult, but it was something about the way she said it that triggered that I have the sense of responsibility to myself that an adult has, not a child. In childhood the child has little responsibility for how they are, it is more how they are taught, and they rely on those teachings and guidance throughout that period. I don’t think I ever truly switched over into that routine. I know that sounds strange considering I’m a mom with serious responsibility under my belt, but this is different. Being responsible for someone else is different in my mind to being responsible for my own well being. It was almost like a switch turned off in my head. I set my alarm and didn’t press the snooze button because I have no option but to be held responsible for my own actions. No one truly suffers as much as I do if I don’t get my ass out of bed and exercise.
It’s a pattern that will undoubtedly repeat itself and over time it will lessen the burden on my poor knees and then I can dub my elliptical something else; say ‘Fat Incinerator’, or ‘Smokin’ ass creator’.
04.27.09
Reasons to aim for a smaller @ss
There is the obvious reasons of course, but this is going to be a list that many never-been-fat people have never thought of or heard of in no particular order.
#1. For my overall general health – yeah, I get it, I’m unhealthy at the moment, I’ll get there.
#2. I can walk in public and not wonder if people are thinking about how fat I am. I realize I’m not the centre of attention, but how often have you looked at another person and commented in your mind negatively about their appearance?
#3. Pants (or hose) I wear don’t start to roll down at the waist due to the fat roll pushing it over. This is a serious peeve and no, I don’t want companies to start trying to create pants that don’t do this (hello Reitman’s).
#4. Walking up the stairs carrying laundry no longer makes me breathe faster. I used to think I was of mediocre health, now I know it’s just bad bad bad.
#5. Copious skinny pants will finally pull on. I’m talking 12 pairs of pants and less shirts/skirts/dresses. It’d be just nice to not have to rotate the same 5 pants all the time.
#6. Comfortable sex. Do you know what plump hips do with extra ‘pressure’ on them? *ahem* ~blush~
#7. Exercise is no longer pure torture that creates undue pressure on many, many parts. You get this much stuff jiggling, it ain’t gonna stop easily.
#8. Bathing suit shopping eases.
#9. No longer will embarrassment arise if I run into a person I knew when I was skinny.
#10. Obsession over fatness will cease to exist. I realize the obsession to stay lean won’t subside.
#11. I will actually realize what I look like. This is a strange phenomenon that I’m not sure will disappear. I have the idea in my mind of what I look like and then I’m seriously shocked when I see a picture of myself at how large I really am.
#12. I will finally weigh less than my dh. He’s a shorter guy, but still, I’ve weighed more than him since we got married.
#13. I can wear shorter shorts without worrying about some serious jiggle.
#14. While sitting, leaning forward will not cause my belly to touch the seat.
$15. I will once again feel attractive for my spouse.
#16. My multiple chins will no longer bunch up if I happen to look down.
#17. My joints will not groan (and separate) from the excess pressure put upon them, only from age.
#18. My children will not be embarrassed as they age by a plump mom.
#19. My children will learn how to eat properly and exercise and how each are an important part of actual life (as opposed to fad diets and unreal expectations).
#20. And last, but definitely not least (I didn’t think I’d get this far), I can wear spandex if I truly want to without scarring the eyes of people walking by.
I’m printing this list out and taping it on my fridge.
I’m creating realistic goals today. Not just “I’m going to lose such-and-such pounds” but actual, and specific goals, and each of the goals are going to be accompanied by realistic means of getting there. I’ve been paring down my ideas for weight loss into unreal and real and there are a lot, but I think that’s a whole other post for another day.
04.24.09
Friday F-offs
I don’t know, it sounded good when I wrote it up there, so I’m just leaving it.
- – What the hell is wrong with my computer (or WordPress). I have one of those cute (ok, not cute) avatars for WordPress that follows me around when I comment on other WP blogs. It’s even up beside the address bar sometimes (is it really there?). I have my page in my own bookmarks as well as the page of RSS for the blogs I read. Every once in a while Noscere’s avatar ends up next to my RSS feed page instead of my own. WTF is up with that?
- - I’m torturing myself again today at the expense of the sheer happiness of my soon-to-be 10 year old dd Bing (I actually typed ‘19′ at first ~swoon~). It’s her birthday on Sunday and we’re having a sleep over tonight with a couple of her friends. I’ve noticed the parties are becoming less and less kid-like: no Grandparents invited, no girlie, kid-like theme (ha ha H#nnah Montana, my kid doesn’t even know who you are!WOOHOO!), no adult interference in the party layout and the size of the party has shrunk. It has become a fairly quiet event for us. She’s even taken to creating the games, prizes and catch-all bags by herself. *sniff sniff* when did she grow up?
- - I am absolutely giddy about camping this year. I’m serious, even with Sweet Pea becoming seriously mobile, it’ll be so much fun I can’t even hold it all in. Last year’s holidays weren’t a complete disaster but I was certainly not looking forward to another holiday bombarded with family I really don’t want to be there. So, instead of a confrontation that would make future events uncomfortable my lovely sil, who I adore greatly, booked us into the camping on the sly and it’s much, much too late for the ils to get in! I am so happy. Sure, they may get lucky and get a few days by chance, but the likelihood of them getting the entire week is pretty much slim to none. The only concern I have is if they camp at another campground within driving distance that I’ll still have to put up with them anyway.
- – I’ve picked up the new Patricia Cornwell book from the library called “Scarpetta” and I have never been so disappointed. Her books always caught me early on in the story, always wanting for more, but I just can’t get into it. It seems so blah compared to her other ones. Maybe it’s because she assumed that the reader would be fairly fresh off the last book and remember all the goings on that made the introduction so bizarre and confusing, but I don’t know. It has a lot more melodramatic shit than I’m used to with her. I may just put it down and plow into one of the other 8 books I’ve got from the library to read and put this one out of my mind for a bit. It could be that I’ve just come off a Jean Auel book (The Plains of Passage) that I can’t get into a different genre. Who knows, maybe I’ll delve into the mind of David Eggers or Lynda Barry instead of another crime fiction.
- - Ah my Punk. There’s an apt reason she was dubbed ‘Punk’ early on. It used to be a shortened cutsie version of ‘Pumpkin head’, but she earned the shortened version quickly. She’s my child that makes homeschooling more difficult than it needs to be. This year has helped me understand why she learned so very little last year. It has little to do with the teacher and a lot to do with attitude. The Dude is lazy, period (another nickname for her shortened from ‘Deuteronomy’ – don’t ask). She has no specific currency that can make her think beyond her own business, nothing that really gets her goat. I had had enough 2 days ago and ripped into her about her work (she purposely got 15% on a math test). She gave me attitude and a look that made me grip the sides of my chair or I’m sure I would’ve smacked the look right off her face. So I did the only thing I had left. I removed every single item from her room and she has until the end of May to earn it all back or it will all be sold/garbaged. She was in tears because of it. Years ago we made a makeshift canopy bed by hanging pvc pipe from the ceiling with curtains hanging from it. I even removed that. I was over the edge mad and crying at the same time. I think it was due to anger, but it could also be that she has finally pushed me over the edge and I didn’t know what else to do that would work.
Yesterday she had the opportunity to start earning some back and her behaviour was pretty damn good. She kept herself in check quite often. I even told her I don’t expect perfection but I do expect a lot less attitude and better school work. Just five minutes ago she again lost all she had earned. She gives me looks that actually haunt me a little because I can see the disgust in her eyes. She’s eight-years-old people. This can go further, I can ban her from the basement playroom until she earns that back with better behaviour. I just am at wits end and won’t put up with the shit anymore.
Good God I’ve been doing a lot of posts like this lately. Nothing big and important to say so I post little snippets. Meh, my blog, my rules.
04.21.09
Git along little doggy
Proof, I have proof that my son is part dog.
Going away from me.
Turned around already and on the way back.
What’s that flash mommy?
Yeah, he’s a dog. Oh, and although I’d love to share a picture of him drinking out of the toilet, because I’m sick like that, I just can’t bring myself to let him do it in order to snap the picture.
God I love the idea of future blackmail.. mwaahahhaha.
04.20.09
First impressions suck
You’ve heard the ideas about first impressions: you never get a second chance to make a first impression, or first impressions are the most important. What a load of freakin’ baloney. It was probably made up by some ginormous company’s overtaxed human resources officer who just needed a means of crossing people quickly off the list. What a messed up concept to feebly attempt to corner someone into a pre-thought out impression based on meeting them for the first time. What a crock.
Gee, do you see where this is going?
We moved to this town 6 years ago. It is a wealthy community, thriving fully on the bedroom-town aspect of being so close to a major city. As such, you tend to meet a huge amount of people you are not only unlikely to see again, but if you do it’ll be at some major soccer tournament that your kids are in, or at church as a quick flash-by as they flee out the door at noon to the next event in their lives.
We met Bob* because we tend to gravitate to the people that are more involved in the Parish community. Bob is one of those go-getters, the one you see most often in church setting up chairs (when we weren’t in our own building) talking with the priest about mass, directing altar servers, in other words he stands out more than others. When I first met Bob* I thought to myself that this guy was one of those Type A personalities that is rigid, harsh, hard-assed and sees things only in black and white, and for God’s sake, colour and greyscale do.not.exist.period.
Six years later and I get the distinct feeling that we are going to be friends for a long time (‘we’ as in dh, me and Bob*). He has of course turned out to be an amazing man with immense knowledge and a flair for finding obscure information. He has a great sense of humour and a great smile.
Why do we do that? Why do we look at someone and decide in our minds who, and what they are? It taints the true image doesn’t it? It is rare that I find my initial perceptions to be spot on. Yeah sure, I’ve been close, Bob* is a particular guy, but I was still wrong. I think we tend to limit ourselves that way.
I shouldn’t say it doesn’t happen, there’s been one time that I was bang-on the dot about a lady in our church who is rudely known as a collar chaser (clings to anyone with a collar). We were right about her completely, but I think that is because she wears that image out there for the public to see, it’s not hidden behind a schnazzy suit or a certain facial expression.
Yet when first meeting Bob* (he he he, I typed ‘Boob’ at first) I truly don’t think he was trying to hide his personality behind any façade.
I’m just babbling again. I often wonder what people’s first impression of me is. Hmmmm … curious.
*Names changed to protect the supposed innocent.
04.18.09
Forgot to mention my new page
I wanted to neaten things up so I created a Pages link to the right here. There’s an ‘About Me’ page, my family page (so y’all can get an idea of who each of the people I talk about are), and my newest addition, the Book Whore stuff. I created a list from my file (I’m an excel whore too) of books I’ve read. It’s pretty big and will be added to as I finish a book.
04.17.09
Book Whore galore quiz
I don’t usually do questionairres on my blog, but since I’m a book whore, and I love to steal things from other blog, I swiped this baby from Kim, who I’m sure will think I’m a complete idiot after finding out I like Twilight. But I’ve got to give her credit for swiping this from other blogs since I swiped it from hers … clear?
What author do you own the most books by?
Hmmmm… I’d say technically it’s C.S. Lewis because I have all 7 Narnias, but I also have the Harry Potters too. I tend to collect series’ more than anything else. The next in line would be Jean M. Auel’s Clan of the Cave Bear series.
What book do you own the most copies of?
I have no repeats. Let me say that again, I have no repeats. Dh was never a big reader so when I came with my books (not many at 20) and then started adding, I never bought doubles at any time. I’m much too cheap for that.
Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
What? I barely noticed, I tend to not follow the rules anyway.
What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
If I spout it here, would it seriously be a secret anymore? Oh alright. I have a couple. I have Jondalar from Clan of the Cave Bear (a tall man, a big package who knows how to use it, need I say more? *snort*), and *ahem* Edward. Ya’ll know which one. Mr. Darcy also intrigues me, but it could be the money talking too.
What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children; i.e. Goodnight Moon doesn’t count)
Lord of the Rings, easy. Although Clan is catching up. It’s a biannual read for both of them, but I didn’t start Clan until later. Harry Potter is a distant third.
What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
Oh hell if I remember. My memory is horrid for those years. I wish I knew. Mom?
What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?
If memory serves me right (which it rarely does), I’d say Pillars of the Earth. I know, I know, many people loved that book, but it was so blah to me. I don’t wait too many chapters for something to happen so that one sucked for me. I could not possibly want to read more. blech.
What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?
It’s Twilight. I’m not a literary snob, I don’t care if her books aren’t perfectly written with each of the characters perfectly fleshed out, I was engrossed by the books. They brought me in, let me wallow in a world not my own, and gave a cool twist on the normal vampire shit (that I don’t usually read). I do have to say that I prefer Breaking Dawn as the best of the 4.
If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be? HA! I’d force them to read Twilight (if I could actually force someone to read). Mainly because I’d want to make them give in to the popularity and then talk after about why they liked it or hated it. I love talking books.
Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?
J.K. Rowling. I remember watching the extra stuff on the movies made and seeing how she had a map of the castle drawn out and even created the Black Family wall with who was related to who (and interrelated) and she knew all that in her head. Amazing depth.
What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
Clan of the Cave Bear. But, and here’s the big ‘but’. It’d have to be made by an insanely particular director, like Peter Jackson or something because no one could do it justice otherwise.
What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
I’d say any Stephen King not just because they don’t do justice, but his books are so friggin’ scary that I don’t want to see that on screen. Granted after finding out that he actually had his hand in ‘It’ and ‘The Stand’ I realized that even with his genius scary mind, he still can’t pull off a good SK movie either.
Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
Ugggh, this was back in my Danielle Steele days and I was doing her hair (still with the 80s style Fawcett do).
What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?
Lowbrow? Hmmm … Well I’ve read a few biographies that just seemed, well weird, and very untrue, or speculated and they were most often done by Andrew Morton. But really, how am I to know if they are lowbrow or not? I’d like to read Christopher Ciccone’s book on his sister just to see how he perceives her life in relation to his own.
What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?
Oh shit, it was a Charles Dickens one. I’d read the Christmas Carol and loved it so I thought I’d try more and realized that he came from the era where he was paid by the word. And being such a wordy guy, the book drove me nuts (I don’t remember the title right now).
What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?
I have yet to see a Shakespeare play … wait, I have yet to WANT to see a Shakespeare play.
Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
Canadian.
Roth or Updike?
Who?
David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
Good God I’m out of touch.
Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
I’ll say none of the above because I don’t like Shakespeare and have no clue as to the other two.
Austen or Eliot?
I’m not an Eliot lover but have only read one Austen, so I guess it’s Austen.
What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
Gap, probably not in time but more in genre. I once thought reading the ‘classics’ was a good idea. I even had a huge list of them. After reading (and hating) George Orwell’s (any of them, pick one) books I refused to consider anything a classic anymore. I hated his books so much I refuse to give into the idea that a book is good, or classic, just because it was popular (and hence I understand the refusal to accept Twilight as a good book for some people).
What is your favorite novel?
Not even a possibility. Hell I don’t even have a favourite colour, how can anyone possibly pick just one book to love?
Play?
Of Mice and Men.
Poem?
Not a poetry fan at all.
Essay?
People write these for fun? I thought that was just a school thing.
Short story?
Chattering Teeth by Stephen King. As always, he scared the crap out of me, but amazingly in a short amount of reading.
Work of nonfiction? This one is hard because I’ve read a lot of biographies. I truly enjoyed Brett Butler’s “Knee Deep in Paradise”, but I also liked Sarah Ferguson’s too. I can’t pick a favourite.
Who is your favorite writer?
Can’t pick just one, so I’ll pick one per genre. Historical Fiction: Jean M.Auel (although Steve Berry is good too). Mystery: This one is getting harder as I like James Patterson, and Mike Harrison (a Canadian guy) but Patricia Cornwell is still my favourite. Fantasy: Ooo, three way tie between C.S. Lewis, Tolkien and Rowling. Horror: Stephen King, although I don’t read many of his anymore. Romance: Stephenie Meyer is about as close as I’ll get to romance.
Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
Alive? Shit, I would’ve picked George Orwell. Hmmm. I can’t think of one. I know people out there would say Stephenie Meyer, but I don’t agree because she was never touted as an amazing writer. AhHA, thought of one. Danielle Steele. There we go.
What is your desert island book?
Clan of the Cave Bear, all 5 books because then I could probably survive with having books to read and knowing what plants stave off headaches (willow bark tea anyone?).
What are you reading right now?
Blindsighted by Karin Slaugher, and The Mammoth Hunters by Jean M. Auel. Hey, you caught me in the middle of rereading the series. Ask me again in a few months and you’ll catch me reading Harry Potter, it’s the way I roll.
Oh, and I can guaran-freakin-tee that I’m going to be checking out all those authors I don’t know at the library.
