Internet bravado

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths people will go to on the internet that they wouldn’t dream of doing IRL.  I’m a forward gal, I don’t hint, I don’t really hold back but I don’t go past the line of ‘too far’ when it comes to letting people know what I truly think of them; IRL or online.

I’ve often wondered what it is about the internet that gives people the okay to troll around forums and post nasty remarks, pass viruses on, forward million false/junk emails, spam others, or be a complete loser and post untrue comments on people’s blogs.  Is it the kicks a person gets of getting some type of reaction even though no one but them cares about that kind of thrill?  Imagine if someone tried that kind of stuff IRL.  “He he he, I just told so-and-so he’s a useless piece of shit and doesn’t deserve to live, isn’t that funny?”.  Buddies of said loser would just shake their heads at how dumb that is.  Is it the anonymity of it all?  The ‘I-can’t-get-caught-nor-can-anyone-find-out-who-I-really-am’ idea, that person thinks is bravado is really just sad.

Think about it.  What a pathetic, useless existence that the only ‘fun’, the only ‘thrill’, the only attention someone like that can get is if they insult another person anonymously.  A pathetic, loser of a life really for that person who thinks that is ‘fun’.

Ah well, not my kind of life, and it’s never affected me at all, just more thoughts to ponder I guess.

Catching up post

It’s been hard to get back into the swing of things since our holiday. I haven’t wanted to do much, I’ve been mega tired (or über tired to be with the times), and I’m still finding more stuff that has to be done (or surprise visitors that come up like a friend that lives in DC is 3 hours away from me and I can’t go see her ). I guess I’ll try and catch up my holidays, may put in a slide show or something for the pictures. Or maybe just a couple as a slide show is too many pictures ).

We left on the Wednesday and had a nice drive about an hour and a half away to a mountain campground that we’ve ventured to before. Scenic gorge drive complete with mahvelous river view, quiet gravel road, friendly campground attendants and cute chipmunks to make it seem like it was going to be the picture perfect vacation.

Wednesday night I started to feel icky and went to bed at a normal time. Woke up at about 1am with a serious desire to be warm, although it was a 32°C day previous and I had flannel sheets surrounding me, plus pjs, sweat pants, hoodie and 2 comforters, I could not get warm. Yes, I had a bad fever, and a bullseye rash that was worrying me. I did finally fall back to sleep and by morning, the fever had subsided, but the rash had not. In fact it had gotten worse. Now, just to note, I had not been bitten by anything, nor did this rash show any kind of bite mark, it was just there.

Thursday morning was spent in the ER in the closest town trying to get them to understand I had not been bitten by a bug recently and it didn’t seem like a reaction. But, I left it alone, took their freakin’ medicine that didn’t work and left the place entirely frustrated and still feeling crappy.

The rest of Thursday was quiet and semi-normal. Friday came and went with all of us waiting for the rest of the crew to show up with me getting more anxious as the campground started to fill up. We did eventually save the site across from us as the rest of them were filling up.

The rest of the weekend was a blur of noise and early bedtimes. Well, earlier than we normally would camping as I couldn’t stand to be around some family members later than say 10 or 11pm as the alcohol was freely flowing by then.

By Sunday, I was well in need of some quiet. My family is great, but very noisy, and I was certainly happy in a way to see them go.

Each subsequent day after the departure of my family was spent in sleeping in, swimming in the creek (that was about 4°C – 39°F), showering in the great outdoors (with tarps and a shower bag), and fun campfires at night while watching the kids play hide-and-seek in the dark while trying to disguise their glowsticks under their shirts.

All-in-all it was a great time but seemed to end too soon. Next year will be completely different. My family will not be coming at all and we’re going to make it 2 weeks or so with my sil and her family. 1 week in the back country and 1 week at Kikomun (a lake with beach not far from us).

We decided on the back country based upon the campground’s lack of caring about what goes on. Wild dog barking (all day – luckily it was across the campground and faint or my dad would’ve killed the damn thing), some assholes dumping the black water from their trailer by bucket into the outhouses and the general lack of care by the attendants that these people were doing this. I let the guy know and his response was, “I have to catch them”. Yeah right, he’s got 4 witnesses and he has to catch them? How about when he drove by them holding one of their buckets, did he attempt to catch them then? Uh no, he waved, ignored what they were doing and drove on. Jerk, made for a horrible smell for the rest of us because we couldn’t use our own trailers and had to use the outhouses (you can’t hold 10 days worth of crap & pee for 4 people, hence the reason why the assholes were dumping theirs illegally). That and the place was full of squatters. People who live in the campground well past the legal 14 day limit.

I realized I don’t have any pictures of this year from the actual site as we’ve been there so many times, but I do have a good one of me and the girls swimming.

Then there’s this one of the 4 kids together. I don’t have permission to show the faces of my niece and nephew so I’ll just show their backs.

And last but not least, what those darling kids were looking at.

And that was our holiday (oh, and that waterfall is about 15 feet high and just roaring loud).

Tomorrow is freedom

Ahh…it’s here, it’s finally here.  It’s a little more chaotic than originally planned, but hey, the more insane the merrier!

The original plan included us and my sil and her immediate family.  Me in my wisdom invited my brother – he’s a great guy, but I probably should have consulted sil a bit before I just opened up our yearly trek to ‘outsiders’.  So bro is coming, with his 2 girls, plus 2 extra kids.  So that’s 8 now! WOOHOO!  This past week, my parents decided they wanted to join in the insanity too, so now it’s 8 kids, and 7 adults (maybe 8, I don’t know if my bro’s girlfriend is coming or not).  They are all only coming for this weekend, starting Friday, so at least it’s not the entire holiday filled with that chaos, but still, I stepped in something, that’s for sure.

So all is loaded, almost done, went to my meeting, came home and found out dh had taken the girls to ~local fast food franchise~.  I was a bit sore about it.  Even though I’m on a ‘diet’ and have been watching what I’ve been eating, I really felt somewhat put out that I couldn’t come and enjoy those fries, and that burger too, stupid, I know, but I missed it.  Then come to find out dh tried to fill our propane tank and it’s expired, meaning they won’t fill it.  It’s not good to be on the last day of packing  with only about 2 hours left of open store hours to find that out, oh, and the water bottle we usually take has a giant crack in it too.

Blah, blah, blahty, blah.  I’m done blogging for about a week … or, 7 minutes until I get my other blog updated about my weight .

Only a few more days

Dh is trying to push it ahead a couple days, but I can’t, holidays start on Wednesday, not Tuesday night, Wednesday.  I have my weekly WI for WW on Tuesdays and I’m not jumping in a truck and driving for 2 hours with no supper so he can get a head start on fishing.

Ah holidays.  We take a yearly trek with his sister, my wonderful sil, her family to some remote mountainous area.  Last year it was in the booneys, complete with homemade shower and ‘hot water’ bag, and dug-out toilet, sans sink in the middle of nowhere in the venue of grizzly bears and squirrels.  Nothing like taking a load off while having a squirrel chatter at you from overhead (yes, there is no roof either – thankfully it did not rain!).

This year will be similar but we won’t be in the back country considering some of us may be in the ‘womanly’ way at that point and don’t wanna add fuel to the fire within bear country, if you know what I mean (if you don’t …. ahhh, no matter ).  We’ll be staying at a lovely campground off the beaten path (sort of) that is 10 ft from the river, a fishable & swimable arena, and 45 km from a town that has a decent grocery store.

The issue can be getting ready for this trip as we invariably forget something or another in the foray of packing the trailer.  Another difficulty lies in the fact that the trailer has not been used yet this season, a feat unheard of before.  Dh pulled it out of its storage area and backed it into the driveway to start the preparations.  One of which was to wash the damn thing down.  We had an egging over winter that was still in need of scrubbing, a little degreaser got that right off.  Unfortunately, it made the spot whiter than the rest of the trailer due to its age and it being a dirt magnet.  So dh spent upwards of 3 hours scrubbing the entire thing down, including awning to a sparkling sheen.  After completing his adventures, he told me we will most likely be looking for a new trailer come fall.  When asked what brought this new idea on, he said he didn’t want to do that scrubbing ever again.  What a guy, he thinks a new trailer will not get dirty.

It is washed, battery is in and needs replacing (it’s only about 4 years old), tanks are cleaned out (water & hot water tanks of any residual bacteria growth as we do not ever add antifreeze to the system – best disinfectant used was plain ole vinegar), fridge washed, children excited, and we’re rip raring to go load it.  Of course darkness tends to dispell any attempts to continue.  That and dh’s incessant ability to drop an idea once it gets in his head.  He is, as I type, researching trailers …. so much for buying in the fall .

All there is to do now is buy a new battery, fill propane tanks, pack the trailer with clothing, pack it with toiletries (including any and all suncreen and bug spray – never to be used simultaneously), pack it with linens (all been removed last fall), pack canned goods to be in there all summer (no worries, they get used, but almost as second choices for dinner, etc), plan 10 days worth of menus, buy groceries for at least 7 of those days (fridge/freezer is not big enough for all 10 days, hence we’ll make the 45 km drive – did I just friggin say ‘hence’?), turn on fridge after swearing because I forgot, make return phone calls to sleep clinic and adoption worker, clean grammas house, hope to God AF starts before said holidays, not during, pack books to devour (I do at least 7 books per holiday – but I have Moby Dick this time, so I’ll only pack about 5).  That is what I think has to be done before Tuesday night.  Wednesday morning we do the double/triple check for enough food and beer (of course we’ll have enough to feed multitudes), make sure all toilets in the house are flushed (nothing like coming back to a house smelling ammonia-ish because a kid didn’t flush), pack fish (we bring our incredibly resilient pet fish with us – I’ll have to relay that fun story another time), hook up trailer, unplug it from house, run back in because I KNOW I forgot something, get in the truck, drive 1 mile and stop for slurpees – our annual trip ritual.

This happens every year.  Not every camping trip, but every yearly/annual big trip that we do.  It’s quite the dance we do in order to be ready for this trip.  All-in-all, it’ll be worth it in the end.

Three.more.days.

Well knock me over with a feather

I’m in a bit of a state of shock, no, not shock, maybe feeling pretty good or something. We just had our AW stop by to give us the finalized Homestudy to be signed by us. Then she asked, ‘is there any questions?’. Well, of course my first one was, ‘how did it go yesterday?’. Around this area, Adoption Workers from both sides of the coin (potential families and rescued children) meet once a month to ‘discuss’, go over, and basically chat about what’s been happening. Potential families are presented, ones who have the homestudy completed, as are the children who have ‘come up’ since the last meeting. We were ‘presented’ at this meeting.

There are 4 new situations, 3 of which are of potential for us, plus 2 others that our AW thought MAY be a good match! I can’t believe it, we just signed the papers and we have 2 kids where our family may fit what they are looking for.

The 3 new situations were iffy, 2 were newborns (February) and 1 has definite ‘issues’ already, and our worker didn’t feel the third was a good match for our family, but she asked if we wanted her to submit our homestudy for the 2 newborns. I wasn’t sure actually, I truly wasn’t sure, it didn’t feel right to say yes, so we asked to think about it. Don’t get me wrong, the thought of a newborn is ideal; you get to see all the ‘firsts’, attachment is more likely easier, you get more time with the child (as opposed to a 4 year old whose first 4 years were missed by you). I can’t put my finger on it, and nor can dh, but the newborns just don’t ‘feel’ right. I’m thinking we’ll say no, don’t put us in for them, but we’re going to take the weekend to think about it, finalize it in our minds and then give a for sure.

The other 2 situations are sibling pairs (not related to each pair … oh boy this could get confusing!LOL!). The first situation is 2 boys, but our AW couldn’t remember much of their situation as per details except that they were within our age range. The second situation is 2 girls, ages 2 & 3, who don’t seem to have any issues to speak of. They do have potential for slight attachment issues due to the amount of times they’ve been ‘moved’ (to use AW’s words). Dh and I both feel good about this one, but there’s one problem. They’re considered ‘Legal Risk’ which means, the child is not in guardianship of the state and would come to our home as a ‘Foster’, which isn’t something we could accept. We explained to her our reasoning (the kids would be devastated to lose siblings placed with us) but made sure she know that if the situation was that the 30 day appeal grace period had passed, we would be willing to accept the risk, but not before. The 30 day period is when they have a very good idea as to if the bio-parents of the child/ren want to contest the removal order as they only have those 30 days to appeal.

So that’s where we stand. I think when people ask me about the adoption thing going on, I’m just going to forward them the link to my blog!LOL! Oh no wait, I better not, just in case I’ve ranted about them on here .

My sleepiness

I’ve been to the Dr’s a few times since the first, to see what we can do about my being so tired during the day. Since his initial observation of me not having a severe sleep disorder (although he wasn’t positive on it because I slept so poorly during the test that it may have skewed the results), I have had to endure attempting to introduce a different sleep pattern than what I was used to, the sleep pattern of a night owl.

Since that first day I went to the Dr. in April I’ve had to keep to this schedule, drink no caffeine anytime after noon (screw that, chocolate rules man!), no alcohol late in the evening, wake up and sit in front of the sun for at least 20 minutes (harder to do than I thought), and record how I slept that night and how I felt in the morning (rested or not).

The sleeping has truly improved. I haven’t had insomnia for months, night-time awakenings for weeks and have actually come to enjoy my evenings more than before because I’m up later and reading a lot. There’s only one problem. I’m still tired during the day. Still tired enough that I really want to go nap. I’ve lost weight, kept to this sleeping regime and am still exhausted.

I had another appt. today and just wasn’t sure at all where it would go. I mean what do you do after being tested for sleep disorders, following the regime and still finding not much improvement? He suggested I try the APAP machine for 3 months, on a rental/trial basis just to see if it can improve my sleep. If it works, we’d look into purchasing one for me, or we could also get me fitted for a mouth guard kinda thingy that would keep my jaw from sliding backward and obstructing my airway.

Did you know I really love animals? I love the feel of them, their stinky breathe, their idiocies (not idiosyncrasies, but actually idiocy of their teeny tiny brains ), but man I hate dog licks and poop!LOL! My neighbour has 2 of the dumbest dogs I’ve ever met. The owners are both overweight, both aged (like ripened cheese ), and cannot walk far to save their lives, but they own a German Shepherd and a Pug. Yes, 2 dogs that they cannot properly care for, not for lack of love, but they rarely get any exercise.

They run away quite often (always returning – they probably are just wanting exercise!) and today was no exception. The little pug thing, Stinker, is a Houdini, he disappears after hopping a fence that the other dog, Shadow the German Shepherd, cannot jump – quite ironic really. I hate poop, I really, really hate, so much so in fact that I’m really hoping the children we adopt are potty trained . So I’ve been trying to be sort of mean to Stinker, not cruel, but bossy so the damn thing stays outta my yard. I want no part in that poop thing (although my neighbours are great they will clean up after him if he went in our yard). He got out today and I ended up picking him up, and boy what a cuddler, I fell in love immediately! SHIT! No, I don’t want a dog, he smelled, had puppy breath and tried to lick me, 3 strikes, but he cuddled right up into my neck and sat there complacently. I ♥ that little dog dammit, I didn’t want to, but I do.

Shadow

Stinker (if he’s not a Pug, you can correct me)

What’s in a name?

I’ve been thinking about my name for a long time. Not my first, my second. I got married almost 11 years ago (come this August) and at the time, I was smitten with the idea of changing my name to match my spouse. At this point in my life if I had gotten married, I wouldn’t have done it, but I digress.

A couple years back, I found out that I hadn’t actually, ‘technically’ changed my name. No, my current last name is not my legal name. Notice I said that this was a couple years ago that I discovered this. I have not, nor do I intend to, go to the registration office and complete a form for me to legally be a ~insert dh’s last name here~. It’s been on my mind for quite a while, mainly because that is probably the only thing I truly regret in life is changing my name. I know, I know, my name doesn’t make me ‘me’, doesn’t it? I mean it’s really not supposed to, but I just don’t feel like a ~insert dh’s last name here~, I feel like a ~my maiden name~, I’ve always felt that way, so I really shouldn’t think to much of being a ~insert dh’s last name here~ (<– is this getting annoying yet? ). Just something I ponder.

I’m still exhausted from our trip backpacking, but a good exhausted, kwim? I have quite a few pictures that are just awesome.

My girls, being the hams they are. Their dad told them to pose and this is what they came up with. Bing on the left, and Punk on the right. This was taken a mere 20 minutes after those poor buggers dropped their packs after an 8 km hike. Little troopers.

You can see Bing there, with Punk still trying to climb on. I asked dh to get a picture of them in between these 2 boulders so as to get a reference point as to their enormous size. Really quite awe inspiring to see it in person. This was our second day and we took a hike to this location which was about 3 km uphill. A good workout here.

Dh got us to take this picture in front of this gorgeous lake. Behind dh is those enormous rocks spoken of above. Aren’t my kids cute? Oh, and no jokes about my hat, I love my hat and it kept me from having to don sunscreen the entire time as I hate the nasty chemical ridden stuff (although must use it as you can see from my pale skin).

Final picture I promise. This is a beautiful set of falls we encountered on our route back. I say set as there was a second portion to this just down river, but this was much easier to get to for us weary souls. At this point it was about 25°C, dh and I were both carrying about 70 lb packs each, and our kids were carrying about 10-15 lbs each. We were about 4 km in to our return trip and were mighty pooped and very relieved to see a weird marker beside the ‘path’ and hearing the obvious roar of water. We were awed by this view from above. Dh was loathe to leave without attempting to fish below, or at least capture a picture from below, but it was a treacherous decent especially one made by weary travellers.

All-in-all it was an awesome trip. I’m a tad burnt on my arms, but manageable (meaning definitely not horrible but was preventable, I just hate sunscreen’s feel upon the skin, plus the chemicals inside are just as bad as the cancer you may get from the UV rays). Plus we had 2 more bear encounters to put under our belt, to put it up to about 4 or so?

The first one for this trip happened right at the parking lot to this trek where we were slowing down in the car to enter the parking lot and Punk said, “there’s a bear”. And sure enough, a 2 yr old grizzly was on the side of the road trying to cross to the side we were to hike on. Yes, we still got out of the car.

The second incident happened while we were 8kms in at our destination. The girls were playing by the small creek we were beside, a mere 10 ft from us and a lady walks up to us and says she just saw a bear 10 ft from her, and I immediately pulled the girls up from the creek and made them play beside us. We never did see the bear, but again, we were headed onto a hike 3 kms away on the same side as the bear was on.

I wonder if we’re a little too complacent about bears or is it that we are just aware of them and take our precautions.

I better go, dh is chatty tonight .