Go girl!

Oh yeah, uh-huh, go girl … look at me and my bad self! 90% on my assignment, yeah, that’s right, I rock.

LMFAO! I’m such a dork, but I am relieved about that lemme tell ya. I wasn’t as worried about that as I was about my exam, but even that has subsided a bit because of this assignment. I think I was …. I can’t quite think of the word, I wasn’t misinformed per se as it was someone else’s opinion, but I was led to believe the exam would be horrible, and marked very hard, as it was with the assignments. If I got 90% on the assignment, I think I did okay on the exam. I still won’t know for sure yet, in fact I don’t know when it will be marked, but I’m not as antsy to see the mark. And dangit, that chicky up there is CUTE!

We had a meeting today with our Adoption worker. She’s very nice, but she forgot about our meeting. Which at first ticked me off as dh took the morning off work to stay home for this meeting, but I got over it quickly and just moved on. She was very helpful and informed us well on how things will work. And, I’m not just saying this on the off chance she’ll come across my blog, but she really did help AND I can’t bad mouth her in case she reads my blog .

Tomorrow is the start of our skiing holiday. I’m so excited, but dreading it at the same time. I’ve put on 30 lbs in the last 6 months and am not looking forward to wearing my ski pants, and if dh asks me one more f#cking time if they fit, I’m going to really drop-kick him instead of just doing it in my head. Yes, I’m fat, yes, they’ll be tight, and yes, I’ll be praying every second that they don’t rip at any of the seams if I fall, but dammit, I’m not letting my weight hold me back, I LOVE skiing.

4 days away with 2 days skiing, 2 days travel. Sounds far, but it isn’t. One of the reasons we can afford this is our ~association of motor vehicle group we belong to~ points paid for some of it as well as dh is going to visit some clients while he’s out in that area and the one night hotel, and some mileage will be submitted for expenses. Bonus! There are 2 hills we’re heading to with a travel day in between and it’ll be so great as both hills are good with kids. We haven’t done the one hill in years, but it had excellent beginner/intermediate runs, plus they offer half day ski lessons rather than full day. K wants full-day, but we’re going to trick her a bit and put her in a half day lesson and not mention it anymore!LOL! I think her confidence in her skiing ability isn’t great. After all, she’s only had 1 hour lessons 3 times, so this next lesson is 2½ hours in comparison, and a way nicer hill to learn on, so I think she’ll do fine. Or, I really hope she’ll do fine or we’ll be paying almost double to send her into a lesson again in the afternoon. Although, ~the ski hill~ has got a great guarantee that they’ll offer a second lesson free if after the first one you can’t turn or stop. We’ll see.

Gotta pack everything but the kitchen sink and make sure the kids’ teachers didn’t try and send home too much work for them to ‘catch-up’ with during the trip.

It is submitted

Okay, so technically, it isn’t finished, but it’s durn close. I did finish the exam, and have just recently handed in the last assignment, but cannot say I’m fully complete in the requirements of this course until I get a passing grade in the exam. The official requirements of this course are for me to complete the 3 assignments, participate in the online discussions, pass the final exam with a D (50%), and have an overall grade of D (50%) in the course. Granted my goal is not to just pass, but to pass with at least a B, as that keeps my average up. My previous 2 assignments were a 75% and a 79% respectively, so I’m hoping the rest is marked in a similar manner so as to keep my GPA at 3.4.

To be honest, I’m not sure how to think my exam, the assignment and the online discussions will be marked. It’s hard to judge what kind of mark one will receive based upon the amount of time put into an assignment or test. I think I did okay, but I haven’t any way to judge. A fellow classmate failed the exam, and is choosing not to rewrite, but to try and take the course elsewhere as she found it terrible. But to me, was this class really that bad? Not horrible, but boring. I’m sure my assignment will be marked within a few days, but the exam can take up to 3 or 4 weeks for me to know what kind of mark I will receive, but I will never know what kind of notes were made on it unless I request to discuss it. They will never return the paper to me in hand, but will discuss it over the phone. If I do happen to fail, I will request a remark by another professor, and then rewrite if that professor feels it did not have the material to warrant a passing grade.

I’m not really a nervous person, but I do have a concern. I just want this course to be done. I am definitely going to contact ~the university I attend~ to find out why I’m acquiring a BA in HR when there is only 2 HR courses required, but 4 IDRL required. To the untrained eye, they are one in the same, but they aren’t. It is equal to the difference between Macro-economics and Micro-economics …. okay, so you don’t know the difference between the two of those either . Trust me, it’s different. I don’t know if they’d make allowances for me or not, but it sure doesn’t hurt to ask, right? I’m actually going to request a substitution of HR courses taken elsewhere in place of the IDRL courses. I don’t know what kind of chances I have of them okay’ing that, but I imagine it’s pretty durn slim. I gotta try anyway.

Since I can only wait until I know for sure about this particular course, I’m going to be spending my waiting doing fun things, like laundry, meeting with my adoption worker, babysitting my grampa, and bathing kids…..good times.

It is finished

I wrote it just this morning. I was so worried about it that I even dreamt about it, which is so unlike me. Don’t get me wrong, I do get concerned about exams and how I’ll do on them, but rarely, if ever, do I get worked up about an exam that I dream about it, have a terrible sleep and get the shakes just before it.

In fact, it rather pissed me off that it was all over nothing. I was ‘chatting’ with another U student about this exam, which this person failed, and it was said that it was a very difficult exam. I was worried. I’ve had hard exams before, but when I read that I had to write 6 short essays (about 500 -750 wds each), and 2 long essays (about 1000 wds + each) in 3 hours, I was a little concerned that my hand wouldn’t hold out. I’m a computer person whose distance learning classes are 90% online work and you want me to write a minimum of 4000 wds in 3 hours? That’s 22 words per minute without prep time. That doesn’t seem like much but when you’ve got a myriad of topics to write about, you must have an outline prepared or you’ll get words mixed up. It’s not even the amount that bothers me, it’s the fact I have to handwrite it all! Dangit, this is the 21st century, let’s use the computer to type. I type 65 wpm so I’d be done in no time!

Now, with all that said, I did rush it so I could finish it. I calculated how much time I could spend on each, and was starting to panic when after the first one I had spent ½ hour on it alone. So I pushed myself. Luckily there’s spare paper for me to scribble on so if I got an idea about a different topic, I could jot it down without losing ground.

I get into the exam room and find also that it’s no longer 6 topics for short essays, but 5. So because I pushed it, and there were only 5 short essay topics, plus 2 long ones, I got done in just over 2 hours. But DAYUM, my hand is sore. Nothing like holding a pencil, hard-gripped, for 120 minutes consecutively.

I do now have to finish my last assignment now. Yes, I wrote the final without having the last assignment finished. That’s the great thing about distance learning, and me being the teacher, I decide, I get control over when I do the exams and assignments (within the time limits of my contract of course). I’ve even done midterms and finals on the same day. I LOVE doing that actually, I find I do better on both because of it.

I’m also childless for the next 2 days. Dh’s parents took the kids for 2 days, so he left this morning to drop them off. I think they feel guilty because they haven’t been ‘there’ for our kids, kwim? They’ve been very generous and thoughtful with gifts and calling them, but haven’t been spending time with them, which as we all know, is what kids want more of. Sure, they enjoy the great clothing (my eldest the fashion guru) and art supplies (my youngest, the budding artist) but they’d rather have them in exchange. His parents are getting close to retirement and because the last few years have been hard on them with my fil working so much, they both decided that they would slow down a bit for the next few years in order to spend time with the family. They even bought a new trailer so as to come camping with us! Kind of ironic that we may not be able to camp much this year, but I digress.

I’m going to finish my last assignment, so could you say a short prayer/wish/vibes that the marker of my exam is kind to me? Thank you .

Show of hands, who hates studying?

Pick me, pick me!! Yeah, I don’t mind learning new things, in fact I thoroughly enjoy it, but test me on it and I may have to kick your ass….. ~snicker~.

I’m a university student, a distance education university student, which means I teach myself an accredited degree. This has taken me 4 years to get half way through and I’m losing my mind as of now. A lot of the courses are running into each other, meaning I have no idea what a course is about after I’ve taken it because it runs along the same fricken lines as the course before that. Of course I’m a SAHM to 2 girls, a wife, a housewife, and in the process of adopting more, so there’s a bit more on my plate as well so my marbles are scrambled.

Ugh, I better get back to it.

Another bad sleeping night

I’m getting tired of them, that’s for sure (pun was absolutely intended in there as well). I’m tired of being so exhausted in the morning, waking up after 9 hours sleep, I should feel some sign of being rested, should I not? This has gone on all my life though, you would think I’d be used to it, but nope. I actually talked to my doctor about getting me into a sleep clinic, but haven’t heard anything yet as to when I could be scheduled in. This is going to be the week to call and harass …. errr.. ask her if she actually sent in my referral or not. I imagine I’ll post another bit later, I’m in dire need of a shower to wake me up.

A girls day at the movies

Weekly coffees at my parents are a ritual I’ve been attending for years. I’ve lived near them enough and attended them almost weekly for 4 years, and I loathe to miss them. Today was no exception. It was one of many that were attended sans dh as he works with my parents on a daily basis and hasn’t the urge to see them again on the weekend. Besides which, he was celebrating his 34th birthday with friends at a ‘horn’ party. Don’t ask, it’s a hunter thing.

So the girls and I packed off for the 20 minute drive to have coffee with my mother, having full intention of me packing them off afterward to the cheap movie theatre after to have a girls’ afternoon out. I mentioned it to my mom, absolutely wanting her to go with us and she was game for it. What was a bonus is we found out that a movie we wanted to see was playing nearby. I hesitated only for a moment as it wasn’t the cheap theatre, but went anyway.

Now, if you’ve read my blog before, you know I rarely, if I can help it, mention anything by name as I don’t advertise if I can help it (if you find something, please, point it out and I’ll have it changed – I didn’t even let my dealership plant one of their stickers on my new-to-me truck as free advertising), and today is usually no exception – except I want everyone to know not to pay to see a kids movie that is completely falsely advertised. “Bridge to Terabithia” is a kids movie that in all the posters has fairies, and other mythical type creatures all over the place and made it seem like that was what you paid $40.90 for tickets and $25 for popcorn to see. Do not be fooled as we were, it isn’t mythical at all except for 2 kids playing in a fort in the bush and a few creatures ‘come to life’ with their imagination. It isn’t until the last scene that you actually see a lot more creatures, and it cuts to credits. And, what pisses me off more is (warning, spoiler ahead if you still insist on seeing it) one of the main characters is killed off – a child of 12 years old drowns. I was mortified that I’m bawling at a movie I’m not wanting to bawl at. Even my 6 y/o says that killing her wasn’t a good idea and it wasn’t necessary to the plot. According to her, it would’ve been better had the girl been ‘captured by the dark guy’.

If someone invites you to this movie, make sure they’re paying, as long as you won’t feel the slightest guilt at the movie being so blech. Don’t get me wrong, it was cute, and the kids had an ok time, but if I had known it wasn’t going to be about mythical creatures, I would never have gone.

We got word, all paperwork is officially in!

Yup, it’s official, our file is officially in the hands of our social worker. The next step is waiting for her to forward the information onto the private agency who will be doing our home study. The home study step takes about six weeks from the moment of the agency receiving the contract to it being turned in, then it takes a couple weeks for all the powers-that-be to sign the appropriate areas. It’s going to happen!

I also had a talk with my mom that really helped our decision. You see, my mom is racist. I just say that so lightly, but I grew up with my mom hating, with such venom, the native peoples of ~the town I lived in~. I do have to admit that the ones she worked across from weren’t ideal peoples, but they weren’t ideal, regardless of race, there just happened to be more of the natives in that particular area. I don’t know how, but I grew up fairly normal, I even had a native guy sexually assault me at 13, but I don’t hold anything against his entire race for his iniquity. Besides which, he was 1 bastard out of at least 6 that did such things, so can I hold it against caucasians because 5 out of 6 were of that race? I think not.

In all that babble, I was seriously concerned about my mom. We came back from the APPC all excited, drained and ready to move to the next step. Plus we were more open to accepting of any race because we found out that if these kids are in the public system, they already have Band approval to be there (which was the only issue we had). But with my mom being racist, I was really saddened that I was considering not accepting native children because of her.

So yesterday we had our coffee together and got talking about adoption (of course) and it came up about the kinds of children in the ’system’ and I confronted her. I told her I was concerned about this, I didn’t want to adopt wonderful little children and have her berate their race. She completely understood what my concerns were, but she absolutely made it clear that she would love any children we were placed with unconditionally, but would secretly hate their parents. I admit, I had to laugh at that. She also made it clear that she didn’t want to know what these children had been through in order to be placed in public care. I told her that I had no intention of letting her know, as it’s only the business of us and the children. Our birth children won’t even know those events that brought our new kids to us. I won’t get into why she explained herself and her bigotry, as it isn’t important, but I’m really relieved now.

If this is like being emotionally pregnant, why am I gaining weight like I’m physically pregnant?!LOL! I’m serious though, I’ve got to get control of this bad eating. I won’t get into details, or to the time increments, but let’s just say I’m high on chocolate today, and tomato juice is the extent of healthiness I’ve consumed. Supper is salad and tuna for everyone, so I’m good there, but dammit, I can’t get it going. I’m very sure that after my exam on Tuesday I’m going to do a fasting cleanse that helped a friend. I’m going to do it fully though, with the tea and salt wash (yes, it is as nasty as it sounds ).

Off to amuse myself with laundry.

I’m losing my mind, and I want more?

They’ve been fighting non-stop since they arrived home. ‘They’ meaning the two short individuals that reside in this house that I swear are on this earth to test whether my blood pressure will fly through the roof. I’m a spanker, it’s by nature something I was raised with and I used to believe in it. But now I know it’s more a part of my own anger rather than a real ‘teaching’ tool. Granted it got the results I wanted, but out of fear.

Now, I have nothing. I really have nothing. Corporal punishment is not allowed for adoptive or foster children in ~this province~, they will not give them to you if you continue to use it. I have nothing now. K, is my young one and is my serious tester. She’s irrational, hot tempered, not incredibly smart in reality (please no flaming on this, it’s reality from my perception), beautiful, funny, hyper, drifty, crafty, and very, very imaginative. E, is sensitive, emotional, beautiful, extremely intelligent, intuitive, polite, caring, kind, generous, stubborn, and flaky. In other words, they are both exactly like me. With K, there hasn’t been a disciplinary tool that has worked with her, with the exception of spanking. Time-outs; too much fun in her head, Fixing the wrong; it doesn’t get done as it’s usually a pen thing on an inanimate object (currently my bathroom floor – does ink come out of linoleum?), Counting; to what end? I’m out of ideas. I’m lost, I can’t think of any type of discipline, or punishment that can help her be a better person when she’s older. I’m just screwing her up, I am going to be her source of therapy when she’s older, I know it.

Dh is an ass, he just told me ‘are you sure you want more? we can turn back’.

I’m really in desperate need of new ideas. I’m actually going to take a parenting course because I’m at my wits end with this kid. I’m so lost I actually feel resentment toward her. Dammit.